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August 13, 2008
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  • Mood: Anxious
I appreciate all the kind words and prayers over my situation.  But as bad as things are now, it was *real* bad at the beginning because I didn't know what was going on.  The stress made it that much worse.  Now I know what causes it and can immediately lay down and get my heart rate down and my chest pains to subside.  It's still scary though at times when my pulse gets up into the 180-190 range.  I just have to stay calm, cool, hydrated, and in a prone or reclined position. The problem is that when my doctors or insurance company yanks my chain, the stress level goes back up and the smallest bit of activity is a real drain. Just getting up to go brush my teeth or anything though starts it back up again.  So I have to plan out and almost ration my upright time.  It's a weird thing to grasp though.  The best thing I've found to get people to understand it is the Spoon Theory.  You can read it at this www.butyoudontlooksick.com/nav… is what my life is like.  Constant trade-offs of things that most people just take for granted.

I thought I was going to be able to get the new medical stuff stating very clearly that I could not work as soon as the offices opened up this past Monday.  But they can't or won't fax it to anyone but another doctor.  I have to wait for the US mail to send it to me.  And the disability insurance finally got around to mailing my denial letter and means of appeal last Thursday - or so they said.  I don't trust anything they say though.  Today makes a full week since they said they sent it to me certified mail, and I still don't have it.  So, at this point, I'm having to wait on the mail man.  The calendar seems to run out every day.  I must have prayed for patience at some time in the past....
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:iconcyberxaos:
cyberxaos Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
:( sorry to hear about your health troubles. This condition sounds like an incredibly difficult thing to live with. Is there any chance the fibrillation could be helped with a pacemaker?
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That might help if it was a heart problem. But my heart is fine. What is messed up is the Autonomic Nervous System that controls blood pressure, blood volume, heart rate, constriction of blood vessels, and so forth.
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:iconcyberxaos:
cyberxaos Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
Oh geez, that sounds horrible! Is there no relief from this? Your only recourse is to stay very still most of the time?
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I can move around, but I just need to plan my "up time" so that I can make the most of it while I am up. I only have enough energy to be up walking around or something for about 10 minutes. Like yesterday, for example. I had enough energy to shower and shave, or shower and brush my teeth. I couldn't do all three. So I have to make trade-offs. I can sit upright at a table or desk or something, and the symptoms still come, it just takes longer. If it is quiet and calm, for example, I can do something like go out with my family for dinner - as long as it doesn't involve sitting for more than an hour or so. If there are too many people talking at the table or the place is real loud, I can't go. I miss out on most family parties and such because they are either too chaotic and/or there is no recliner available. Even going to see a movie is too much because I'd be sitting too long. It could be much, much worse though. It isn't degenerative. It isn't going to kill me. And, for the most part, I'm in no real pain. I just need to stay reclined, cool, stress-free. The more I do outside of those three things, the worse things get.
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:iconcyberxaos:
cyberxaos Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
Whoa, that sounds horribly isolating.

How energy draining is it doing the fractal art from a pseudo-upright position? Can you at least get a lot of Apophysis and Incendia exploration done while this horrible condition has its way with you ;)?

It isn't degenerative. It isn't going to kill me.

Well, I'm extremely glad to hear that! Take care, and keep chilled-out, my friend =)
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Fractals are not too taxing. Most can be done with just a few mouse clicks and I can do them from my recliner with my laptop in my lap. Uploading them to DA and coming up with titles is just as mentally/physically taxing as creating the piece itself. Fractals are perfect for me because the software makes them so easy to do and yet they look like someone sweated over them for hours and hours when, in fact, the only thing that sweated for hours was your CPU. The more complex applications like UF and the new Chaos stuff in Apo can't penetrate the brain fog. I've got the simple stuff down though. Guess that makes me, quite literally, simple minded. :D
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:iconcyberxaos:
cyberxaos Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008
:aww: I'm happy to hear that you can fractal away to your heart's content! The fractals are great, aren't they? If you want more of a mental challenge, you can always try writing your own Apo plugin -- it's really rewarding -- by reading a little math, and writing just a few lines of code, you can open up a whole new world of visual exploration!
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I used to program for a living. I've tried it recently. I can't concentrate enough on it to make much of it though. The only kind of programming I can do now is simple AutoHotkey scripting or Apophysis scripting, but it's even been a while since I could do much of that. My last real Apo scripting was four or five months ago. I've been unable to do any since the stress of my LTD claim started in April.
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(1 Reply)
:iconlive2b:
live2b Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2008
I really hate you are having to go through all this. Is this a condition you have had all your life??
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
No. On March 15th, 2005 (my 20th wedding anniversary), I was suddenly hit with it while at work. I went from perfectly fine and in a meeting with my boss to unable to stand without assistance in a matter of about 15 minutes.
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