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April 23, 2008
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  • Mood: Distressed
Any news of my untimely demise is only a slight exaggeration.  Here's the scoop.  My insurance company has contacted me agian this afternoon and told me that my benefits are indeed going to be canceled as of the end of this month.  This is devastating.  My insurance benefits are already half of what my salary had been, and that salary was $20K less than my prior position.  The insurance company still wants something from a "treating physician" regardless of the fact that what I have can't be treated and no one is treating me for it.  The last time I was at the doctor was January 07 with very high blood pressure.  It was about that time that I stopped taking my BP because the stress over it wasn't worth it.

Stress could kill me.  Literally.  I already have a problem with blood pooling and not circulating properly.  This causes my heart rate to go up.  Add to that the fact that I have 3 liters less blood than I should, and it makes my tachycardia even worse.  When you are under stress, the stress hormones raise your heart rate even further and concentrates blood in your muscles, which makes my heart rate even worse because it is already fighting against pooling problems, volume problems, and now re-direction problems and hormonal stimulation.  It's a recipe for a coffin.

Anyway, I'd appreciate some fervent prayer on this.  And if anyone knows of a good free lawyer, I'd love to hear from you.  I have a huge amount of stress right now.  Not only do I have this on my plate, but I have a teenage son who has hit a rebellious stage, and my mom's cancer recovery has stalled with what appears to be the same kind of symptoms that I have.  She may have developed the same thing.  The good news (if there is a lining to the storm cloud) is that her oncologist may know some doctors in the area that are familiar with the condition.
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:iconkabuchan:
Kabuchan May 4, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have my prayers as well, I do hope they help in some small way ... :hug:
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:iconjaidaksghost:
jaidaksghost May 3, 2008  Professional General Artist
in my prayers :pray:
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:icontearsandthunder:
Daniel, even if there isn't a "treatment" for your condition, you still need to see someone if for no other reason than to have them inform the insurance company that there isn't a treatment.

Also, you should apply for SSD and/or SSI if you haven't already. The paperwork involved is ghastly, but if you qualify for either or both, it's well worth the trouble. When I applied for them, a gentleman at Social Security helped me with the paperwork, which was a big help indeed.

This may sound silly, but I've found for myself that thinking "healthy" thoughts helps. Even little changes in how we view our circumstances can make a world of difference. Our beliefs tend to form our reality, not the other way around I've learned...the hard way.

I'll keep a good thought for you. Brightest blessings. :heart:
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 Apr 28, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I applied for SSDI in January of 2006, right after my diagnosis. I'm currently scheduled for an appeal in front of a SSDI judge twelve months from now. If/when I do get SSDI benefits, most will go to my long-term disability insurance company as their coverage covers 50% of my salary *after* any other benefits. As such, they have a financial interest in making sure that I get approved for SSDI and are working on my case at no expense to me. It is a crime though that it takes 3.5 years to go through the SSDI process. I seriously believe it is to see how many people get better and/or go back to work.

Positive thoughts, as you mention, are HUGE. One's symptoms may not change, but we *can* change their outlook. The fact that my new health limitations didn't make me angry or depressed had the doctors sending me to a shrink when this first happened. They couldn't really understand how a man of faith could have peace in times of trial. Guess that is what is meant by a "peace that passes all understanding".
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:icontearsandthunder:
I should have read some of your previous journal entries prior to this one. =) I can't believe you're having to wait so long, Daniel. Oddly enough, and illogical as it seems, the state you reside in has something to do with it. I've noticed that if one lives in the southern states, it takes forever and day to get approved, if you get approved. I live in California, and it took less than a year and I, like you, didn't have a treating physician. I still don't. I have had one review in 10 years. I got a 5 question questionnaire from SS in early 2006 asking about my current condition, which I filled out and returned. I'd been expecting that form for almost a year since they generally review you ever 3 years. About 3 months later I received a letter from them letting me know that they didn't need to contact my physican after all. That's the last I've heard from them, and I would think after 10 years they've pretty much decided I'm on SSD for good.

I have a friend who's site you might enjoy. It's [link]. His essays are great. He's shown me a whole new world. One in where, what happens to us isn't as important as how we move through it. My personal philosophy is that God is inside me, as god. We can perform miracles you know, but it's more than believing we can. I've learned that one has to know one can, without having to stop and think about it. When we think, it gives us time to doubt.

After reading your past journal entries, I still don't know what your diagnosis is. Or what goes on with you on a daily basis. I know you're tired. Oh and hey...don't fret too much over it taking 4 tries to spell disability; normal people don't have much on you! :D
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 May 3, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
My local SS office has a 29-month backlog of cases, the worst in the country (or so I am told). As far as my diagnosis, I have POTS, Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (see www.PotsPlace.com) and hypovolemia caused by nerve demyelination...with just enough peripheral neuropathy thrown in to make my life interesting. :)
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:icontearsandthunder:
Well, you know what they say...variety is the spice of life. =)

A 29-month waiting period at your local office? God DJ, where do you live? You need to move to another state, because that's insane!!!
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 May 3, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's the Atlanta office. You can read all about the problem at [link] . And moving would not help. The SSDI benefit isn't as much as the long-term disability insurance I had through my employer...which only picks up the difference between SSDI and 50% of my salary. When I do get SSDI, almost all of it will go to that insurance company. All I get is any of the benefits for the 7 months that I was still on short-term disability and any "family" benefit amount. As such, moving would be a huge stress on me, make things worse, and not really benefit me on a monthly financial basis.
D.
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:icontearsandthunder:
I rather figured you lived in the south. Considering that SSDI is a federal program, I find it odd that how quickly one receives their benefits, if they receive them at all, varies so much from state to state. The south really seems to be harsh on approving claims. That's the only reason I suggested you move, and it was meant mostly in jest.

That insurance company is going to get the bulk of your 'back' benefits? Oh that sucks big, big time.

I'll keep a good thought for you. =)
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:icondjeaton3162:
djeaton3162 May 5, 2008  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah. The fine print of the policy says that it covers 50% of my salary *after* any other benefits. But it only covers any personal benefits (not any family benefits) and only after my long-term disability started. There will be 7 months or so of benefits before that and since I have a wife and two kids under 18, the family benefits might add up to something...just in time for my son to start college. LOL
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